The Most Important Conversation you can have
Discussing a raise with your boss, navigating a difficult breakup, asking in-laws to stop interfering, dealing with a troublesome teenager, talking to a team member who isn’t pulling their weight. All of these are examples of Pivotal Conversations, conversations that can make or break important moments of your life.
A Pivotal Conversation is different from a plain, ordinary conversation in that it is marked by four chief factors: Differing Opinions, High Stakes, Strong Emotions, and a Reality Shift. Differing Opinions means that there are sides to this conversation, and you and others are on opposite or at least different sides. High Stakes means that the conversation is important and has real weight to it. Strong Emotions means that emotions are charged and we may be less in control of our thoughts and actions than in a normal conversation. Finally, a Reality Shift means that things will be different after this conversation. Relationships will be strengthened or damaged, behaviors will shift, and your mindset or view towards another person will be more positive or more negative.
Think of a conversation where you are talking to your boss about a raise. There could be differing opinions, you may want a larger raise than your boss is willing to give. This is a conversation with high stakes; your family could definitely use the money but it may be a down year for the company so giving this raise puts your boss in a tighter financial place than they would like. There are strong emotions present, both sides are likely feeling passionate about their perspective. And a Reality Shift is underway throughout the conversation. If handled well, both sides will have newfound respect for one another, you may be more loyal and your boss could be more appreciative of your hard work, and your performance over the next year will reflect that. But if handled poorly, you may quit, the relationship between you and your boss will be damaged, and your performance may suffer leading to a decline for the business because you don’t feel heard and appreciated. Likewise, if you do not ever have the conversation because you believe your boss would not listen to you, then you are experiencing a reality shift that leads to a continued negative view of your boss that undoubtedly shapes your work experience.
Mastering Pivotal Conversations is vital for all parts of our life. Communication is one of the most essential skills in all of life and being able to skillfully navigate difficult conversations will serve you well no matter what part of life you are in. Continue watching this series to learn everything from how to start a Pivotal Conversation to how to monitor your tone and emotions during a Pivotal Conversation.
